


White Lie

by NormieScum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 20 something confused lesbians, ? - Freeform, A bit of angst but this one is fluff mostly, F/F, Fem!Eren, Female Jean - Freeform, Femme Eren, Femme Jean, Genderbend, Ghost Hunter AU, Lesbian Erejean, Lesssssbeeeeaaannnsss, Some smut in one of the chapters probably, domestic AU, erejean - Freeform, fem!Jean, female eren - Freeform, idk dude, jeaneren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:51:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10351683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NormieScum/pseuds/NormieScum
Summary: Jean is a hopeless romantic that spends a little too much time falling in love with her frenemy, Eren.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS JUST A SHORT DRABBLE TO INTRODUCE MY NEW THING. I've always wanted to write F/F Erejean and I'm finally doing it because I've been in a mood for the past few hours and it brought my mood up. I've NEVER written fem!JEan so this is very new to me but I hope y'all like it because I love her so much. As far as these girls go, I depicted Jean as 5'11 with medium length blonde hair and a partial undercut (as is canonly) but I love the idea of her having a slight natural curl to her hair. I see her with a slender/athletic build and a rough look. It'll come out more as the fic progresses. For Eren in this one, I went with very feminine Eren because I love the idea of it. I imagine her to be around 5'4-5'5 with a curvy build. As far as the plot goes, I love college aus and I've been wanting to do a paranormal investigator AU so I decided to combine them to make up my favorites. I'm not sure how long this is going to be but don't let the first chapter deceive you, I will get out of the angst and into some fluff because I sure need it after all the angst I've written recently. I decided to go with Jean and Eren because it's easiest and if you squint, these are neutral names :) If you have any questions about their appearance or the plot in general please ask away! As always thanks so much for giving me the time of day. I appreciate you all so much <3

The blonde bides her time, slowly pulling one article of clothing on after the other; taking as much time as possible because it leaves her more time to dwell in the night’s events. This room, so unfamiliar, seemed so feminine in regards to her own. Eren’s room looked like one of those stupid hipster kid’s rooms like you’d see on Tumblr and the more she thought about the other girl; the more accurate it became. The brunette had Christmas lights strung up around all four walls and posters to irrelevant indie bands that she constantly dragged on about. She pretended to be interested to keep the other girl’s interest but she couldn’t give less of a fuck about Marina and the Diamonds. Jeanne, or for short, Jean...or even shorter, Eren liked to call her ‘J’. It was simple, the brunette admired that. Sometimes they just used last names but recently they only used first names or on occasion, pet names. Jean liked these most.

It seemed like they were on two different wave lengths most days. Eren was in a committed relationship but not with Jean. The blonde, singly and desperately pining after her female counterpart, was Eren’s go-to during their fights. The passionate gay sex they had was the only thing that kept her sane in times like this but when her guy apologized the following morning, and he always did, Jean got the boot out the door. Quite literally. Eren was starting to catch on, the petite girl watching from the bathroom. She was dressed in a satin in robe and was hastily applying makeup so she looked half decent for her boyfriend. But whenever she looked up to catch sight of the over 6 ft blonde tugging on combat boots and playing with frays on her flannel, she felt guilty. It wasn’t like she liked hurting people but she wasn’t really gay. At least, not like Jean. Of course, this was fun but that’s all it was. Fun. She didn’t want things to be more complicated with the blonde, hell they already fought every day.  

“You’ve been putting that boot on for the past five minutes. This is a new record, J.” Jean’s short bedhead stuck up in all directions accept for her bangs which had a perfect curl to them which always managed to stay halfway decent. When she looked up at the prim brunette, she was practically stunned. Eren was one of those girls that could get roughed up but the next morning she put herself back together like she was made of fine porcelain. The marks she’d left on the woman were now covered by a layer of perfectly applied makeup. Her sex hair completely gone now hung in loose curls that fell to the small of her back.

“I uh…just groggy this morning.” Her voice was deeper than most girls, she had a gravelly voice and that was one of Eren’s favorite parts of her. Not that she didn’t subtly love everything about her, they were good friends after all. Instead of getting mad at her as she usually did, Eren tried a delicate approach that she knew Jean loved. Slinking over to her in an almost seductive manner, she fell into the blonde’s lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. Jean caught her, as she always did; her long arms wrapping around the brunette’s waist so she could rest her hands on the small of her back.

“C’mon, you know you can’t stay.” She rolls her hips, hovering her lips dangerously close to Jean’s as she tried to provoke a response out of her. She loved the attention the lesbian gave her and in a lot of ways it was more fulfilling than what her boyfriend did for her.

“I know, you’re just making this hard for me.” Eren frowns, the dimples in her cheeks disappearing completely. She hates hurting people really, but she combats this weakness with anger. Quickly moving out of her lap and back towards the bathroom, away from Jean to keep her feelings from falling from elusiveness.

“You’re always so concerned about yourself.” Eren retorts bitterly, it’s not fair at all. She’s the selfish one playing between two people but she can’t stop herself. In her mind, she needed both of them but for different reasons.

“Don’t give me that shit, Eren. You know it’s not that. I wouldn’t be so upset about leaving if it weren’t about you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Just what I said!” It’s a shouting match that makes Jean rush to get dressed. But not because she’s mad at Eren, she’s so scared she’ll say something stupid. And she does.

“Oh come on, you know I always come back to you. You need to stop being so clingy.”

“it’s not clingy to want some kind of validation! I mean, honestly what am I to you?”

“Well for starters you’re my co-worker. And my classmate.” Eren crosses her arms over her chest and when she sees Jean’s face contort in disappointment she rolls her eyes. “And my close friend…we’re fuck buddies Jean. What more do you want me to say?”

“You struggle to even call me a friend.”

“That’s not it at all! You just take all of this to heart and it’s hard for me to watch okay? I never expected you to get so attached. You’re a bitch all of the time, why can’t you just be a bitch now too. Use me, the way I use you!” She’s spitting out words before she can even stop herself and her eyes widen in shock when she realizes what she’s said. The tears collecting in the corners of her eyes validate that she really does care too but Jean can’t see that much. From where Eren is standing, she can’t see the blonde’s tears either. “I know you’re in it for the sex, don’t act like you aren’t.” She adds this to try to hurt Jean. A protection mechanism she uses to keep people at a safe distance. She doesn’t want to get hurt by her too.  

 

“Just let me love you, Eren…” Jean rests her hand over her forehead and Eren focuses on the chipped black nail polish on the girl’s fingers. She paints the blonde’s nails for her and she always manages to chip them so quickly. Jean is so hard on herself both mentally and physically, Eren has a hard time coping with her nervous habits. “And you can pretend to love me.” A sob breaks loose and she finds herself stumbling closer to the brunette but stops just out of her reach. “Please…I don’t mind,” This is the most desperate Jean has ever been in front of her and immediately she feels vulnerable and bitter. 

Eren immediately cuts her off, raising her hand dismissively and shaking her head. “I’m sorry J, no. I can’t.” She finds herself disenchanted with this arrangement. It’s no longer simple or “fun”. Hurting people never is but she’d always chosen to ignore that detail. But now it’s dimly impossible. Jean doesn’t even bother, swallowing her pride she grabs her flannel and bag to storm out of the other girl’s apartment and to her van that’s parked on the opposite side of the street. Eren watches her out the window and for a few seconds she feels like her hearts been ripped from her chest but when her boyfriend’s car approaches the building, she pushes the thoughts of the distraught blonde to the back of her mind.

Now that almost three hours have passed, Jean finds herself sitting at their mutual friend Armin’s house toying with her camera on his bed. Mostly she’s moping and Armin always takes care of her when she’s in a mood. Just as he does for Eren. He’s so used to picking up the pieces whenever something goes sour between the two and after years of being friends, something always does. They all met through film school, Jean was their “Camera guy”, Eren the star of the show of course, Armin and Mikasa the writers. It wasn’t like they’d all started that way or anything but one thing had led to another. Jean was the latest one they’d picked up into their group since their old camera guy had quit. She’d been with them for a year now and as juniors, they were all approaching the ends of their college so clinging to immaturity played a major role in a lot of their problems. Or at least, according to Armin it did. The four of them all worked as a group to put together a paranormal journal, which was actually bringing in decent revenue. And they got funded to travel to different places scattered all over the U.S. so it was almost like they were always on a vacation. Only to a graveyard or abandoned building of sorts. That didn’t make the trip mean any less to them however.

“So you two are fighting again?” Jean flicks through shots on her camera, occasionally deleting the blurry ones. She has her flannel draped over her face and the camera so Armin can’t see what she’s doing but he has an idea.

“Mhm.”

“You always get like this, what is it between you two?” A dorky laugh escapes his lips and he adjusts his glasses on his nose.

“Trust me you don’t want to know.” Sadly, he already knows. They’ve both filled him in on most of the details without directly saying it.

“Oh trust me Jean I have an idea.” She pulls the material from off her face and raises her eyebrow at him.

“Oh really?” Tossing the camera down on the bed, she reaches for a bottle of water Armin had gotten for her.

“Yep, you’re both pretty hopeless when it comes to keeping secrets. I’m surprised Sp-” Jean cuts him off, shaking her head in frustration.

“Even if I don’t say his name, you know he still exists. That doesn’t change right?” For as long as he’s known about their “affair”, Jean has glared daggers in Armin’s direction at the mere mention of Eren’s boyfriend.

“I really hate him and it’s easier if I never have to hear his name. Not even Eren says it in front of me.”

“I don’t mean to be frank but that’s juvenile.” She glares, but she’s thankful that Armin is real with her.

“Ugh, I know...I don’t even care.” She groans, ruffling her messy blonde hair in frustration. “So why do I care so much?” Armin nods off the question, it’s rhetorical and he knows she’s not ready for the answer if she hasn’t picked up on it herself yet. Instead he reaches for her camera to flip through the shots. He’s mostly in awe, smiling at her with a delighted grin as a proud parent would. He’s always been proud of their accomplishments as a group but each individual is so talented and unique in their own regard. Eren for her irresistible bravery and personality, Jean is caring to an almost meticulous degree and her photography skill is next level, Mikasa is the work horse of the group that brings them all together, and himself. He wasn’t sure what he was good for yet but the rest of the group knew. Armin was a key member of the group even if he was still figuring himself out.

“These are so good, Jean. How do you do this? We're so lucky to have you.” She squints, tilting her head to the side. Unable to just accept a compliment.

“You mean literally?” She laughs and Armin taps her shoulder playfully before his face contorts from amazement to disgust.

“…What-” He turns the camera and flips through a series of at least ten still frames that are all just single shots of Eren.

Eren setting up her gear. She always struggles but god does Jean love to watch her.

Eren sitting in the passenger seat of the van at an old gas station. She’s watching out the window as if she’s missing someone. This photo hurts Jean the most because she was there and can only imagine who the brunette is missing.   

Various stills of Eren relaxing or eating or even sleeping. Seeing Armin flip through these is a lot like watching someone unfold the last clue of a lifelong mystery. Jean bites her lip and tries to avert her eyes but she can’t.

“No one was supposed to see those.” Nervously laughing, she holds her hand out for the camera. Armin doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel. He knows that the whole situation is wrong but he can’t help but pity Jean for being so deep into this when it seems that Eren shows little to no interest in return.

“You love her don’t you?” Jean’s expression falls flat and she hesitates before nodding. There isn’t much to say beyond that, Eren has made it clear that it won’t happen. For good measure, Armin flicks to the next picture and is hit with an instant wave of regret. Holding the camera up so that Jean can see what he’s just discovered.

“Really..?” It’s a picture of Eren’s ass and Jean is pulled from her crummy mood and instantly into a fit of overly feminine giggles that don’t suit her at all. Armin can’t help but laugh along blissfully even if this is awkward for him.

“You know what they say, bull dyke is only one step below fuck boy. I couldn’t resist, honestly.”  


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sappy stuff, some not so sappy stuff.

Despite fighting the day before, Jean still found herself waking in Eren’s bed. Her hair standing straight up on end and her baggy tshirt missing. When she looked over, she noticed Eren was sleeping in it and the acquainted lovesick feeling returned. Yawning and reaching for her phone, she noticed it was still early but after what happened yesterday she didn’t want to push her luck. Sliding out of bed, she grabbed her flannel that’d been discarded on the floor and buttoned it up over her bra. Not even bothering to get her favorite shirt back from the brunette.

The dew was still settling on the window pane and Jean dwelled in the cool morning air for a little longer than she should’ve. Sighing out, she sat down on the edge of Eren’s bed to pull her boots on; the bright tie-dye blankets a little more welcoming than she wanted them to be. The light rustle of the girl next to her alerted Jean so that she was watching over her shoulder. The gentle thud of her heart made her feel as though she was somewhere she shouldn’t be but when Eren rolled over and her tired eyes were on Jean, her chest heaved in painful hesitancy. 

“Mornin’...” Eren is barely awake, hugging her arms around herself. This is the first time Jean has taken the initiative to leave so it’s a shock to the petite female. “You busy today?” Out of fear, the blonde lies.

“Yeah, I have a thing. So,” She shrugs, the only thing she has to do today is work which isn’t until the afternoon and even then, the small coffee shop isn’t very demanding. Eren’s fingers grip gently into the soft fabric of Jean’s flannel, giving a slight tug. After a few seconds of this lingering behavior she slides her hand under the fabric of her shirt. Her cold skin causing Jean to lunge forward slightly at first before she relaxes into it. “Stop that.” She orders gruffly. However, she doesn’t want her to stop at all.

“Stay.” Eren says finally, wrapping her arms around Jean’s waist so that when she tries to stand she’s pulled back down.

“You’re the worst you know that?”

“Come on, J. I wanna cuddle.” She squeezes tighter and it takes everything in Jean to turn the offer down because more than anything, she wants the same.

“No, Eren.” Loosening her grip on the blonde, Eren draws back in shock and sits up.

“I don’t understand, you always want to stay with me.” Her bottom lip juts out into a pout and she crosses her arms over her chest. “Are you mad at me or something?”

Jean stands up, moving to the opposite side of the bed so that she can sit down closer to Eren. The brunette rolls over to face her and Jean leans back so that her palm is rested against the mattress behind her lover. “No, it’s hard to explain. I’m just really too…” She trails off, afraid of saying too much. “This isn’t going to last forever, I understand that now and I know you’re just using me but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.” Eren is quiet for several seconds, selfishly afraid of losing whatever they have now but she has no intention on breaking up with Spencer.

“Are you breaking up with me?” She questions, a shrill falter to her voice as she tries to remain neutral on the situation.

“No, It’s nothing like that.”

“So what are you saying?” She starts to sniffle, her doe eyes wide with panic and her hands jittery as she tries to make sense of what Jean is talking about. Instead of being cold towards her as she usually is, she reaches for her hand and delicately pulls her down on top of her. An act of desperation to draw the conversation back to something she can handle hearing.

“Eren?” The usually submissive brunette cups jean’s cheek and pulls her down into a demanding kiss. Relaxing into her arms, the blonde let out a relieved sigh when she tasted the familiar cherry chapstick on her girl’s lips.

“You’re lying to me.”

“Hm?” She’s still hazy from the kiss and her dazed hazel eyes flutter at the accusation until she hears a faint giggle leave the brunette.

“You aren’t busy today. We work the same shift, so there’s no reason why you can’t stay with me. Spencer is out and won’t be stopping by.” She winces at the mention of Eren’s boyfriend but quickly shifts the focus back on spending more time with the girl. “Besides, I want you to drive. I don’t feel like driving today.” At this point, Jean has more clean clothes at Eren’s apartment than she does her own so there’s really no point in arguing it.

“Okay, loser. Just admit you don’t want me to go.” Jean expects her to deny it; but she’s met with an unfamiliar warmth from the brunette.

“I don’t.” She’s already kicking her boots back off and when she lays back down, Eren tosses the covers over her and rests against her chest. Her fingers trailing over the buttons of Jean’s flannel and she wraps her legs over the taller girl’s. “You were so good last night; I don’t think I’ve came that fast in a long time.” She lets out a possessive growl as she kisses at Jean’s neck and it’s almost impossible for the blonde not to try to initiate something but she controls herself.

“Really?” She leans down to peck a quick kiss to the top of Eren’s nose. “I could tell you were really into it. You’re not usually so aggressive either.” They don’t talk about the things they do so this all comes as a shock. Suddenly Eren wants to talk about them and it gives Jean a sense of displaced hope. Hope that something will change and she’ll suddenly want to be with her but before she can even dwell in the daydream, it’s destroyed.

“Sometimes I wish you were a guy so that this could be a thing…I love what you do to me, babe.” Jean is crushed but decides to take what the other has said lightly, it’s her fault for expecting anything different. But it’s practically impossible for her not to come off disappointed.

“Yeah, because it’s not 2017 and lesbians aren’t a thing. I forgot.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes and she can tell she’s pissed Eren off.

“Can you just shut up? It was a joke. Besides, I’m not a lesbian.” The comment is so ridiculous Jean can’t help but laugh before leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. She’s grown accustomed to everything her lover says that it rarely phases her at this point.

“I was knuckle deep inside of you last night. I think you’re at least a little gay.” Eren’s face contorts in surprise and as much as she wants to chew Jean out all she can do is laugh.

“You’re so crude. I love it.” She giggles, clinging to the taller in silence. Eren takes in the moment and finds herself starting to enjoy the closeness a little too much. She shifts uncomfortable, resting her hand on Jean’s chest to feel the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

“If you love it so much why do you always get mad at me?” Jean is joking but there’s a skeptical hint in her voice. She rests her hand over top of the brunette’s and everything is okay for a few brief moments.

“You’re always mad at me too, I don’t wanna hear it.” She sits up finally, glancing at the clock for the first time. “We should get a shower and go get some breakfast. You owe me after yesterday.” Despite knowing that how she’d treated Jean the previous day was wrong, she still believed the blonde was in the wrong. That’s how they worked, fights never got worked out they just continued to blame each other until one of them caved. It wasn’t healthy but nothing about them was.

“I owe you?” Jean scoffs but she thinks back to the last time they showered together. It was months ago at least. Without a second though, she bounces from the mattress and moves towards Eren’s bathroom. “I guess I could buy you breakfast. As long as you call it a date.” She winks and Eren lets out a delighted giggle, following behind the blonde. Her hand gently clasping onto Jean’s because she simply can’t get enough of her right now. It’s usually like this when they’re alone; she’s in love with Jean too but passes it off as infatuation.

“I guess I can do that, J.” She stumbles against Jean’s back; her hands weaving under the fabric of her flannel to gently slide it off her shoulders. The fabric collapses at her feet in a puddle causing her to gently look over her shoulder at the petite female behind her. Eren is trailing kisses down her spine, a shiver causing goosebumps to cover her skin. Jean lets out a sharp gasp, her hands clumsily turning the shower nobs until she can find the one that works the shower. She isn’t wearing a bra under the top and Eren seems grateful for this; she always struggles with the straps. Once the water is warm enough, the blonde removes her hand from under the water and turns to face her lover. One of Eren’s full eyebrows arches upward when she sees the other woman so vulnerable in front of her. It’s rare that Jean allows her to see her this way, she’d be a god damn liar if she denied loving every second of it. The brunette’s lips curve painfully hard into a frown and at first Jean becomes insecure. Her cheeks flushing as she looks away; one of her slender arms cupping her breasts to hide herself.

“Don’t stare, idiot.” Instead of saying anything, Eren tosses the t-shirt to the ground on top of Jean’s flannel.

“Shut up, you’re uh…” Eren pauses, resting her hands on the taller girl’s hips to pull her closer in silence. The water running behind them sounds a lot like rain and the atmospheric sound sends them both into a trance. “Really beautiful.” At this, Jean laughs. She can tell Eren is really trying but romance has never been something either of them try to do.

“I’m flattered.” She cups Eren’s cheeks, leaning down to peck a quick kiss to her lips. If anything, the blonde is thanking whatever God came up with Eren. As her eyes scan over the petite female’s body she realizes how stunning she really is. Even in this dumpy apartment with shitty lighting, she looks like a goddess. Her tan skin practically illuminating and her eyes; they glow with valor. Jean wishes she could come up with the words that Eren deserves to hear even if the brunette is constantly hurting her; but she falters. “Get in, I’m getting cold.” She orders, and Eren complies without hesitation.

A lot of the shower is spent kissing and laughing; they’re usually high or drunk when they “make love” so this sober encounter is awkward for the both of them. Jean finds herself constantly reaching for Eren’s breasts and the small brunette leans back against her chest and looks up. Her lively green eyes meeting with Jean’s. The water running over both of their bodies is relaxing enough to make Eren groggy, she’s falling asleep on Jean and even though the taller is tired of holding both of their weight up she’s perfectly okay with staying like this as long as possible. Eren lets out a soft hum however, and reaches for her hand.

“I’m falling asleep, J. You wore me out last night.”

“Yeah, me too.” It’s at that moment that they realize how comfortable they are together. But only one of them is ready to admit it.

“We should probably get ready, you’re gonna miss breakfast.” Jean kisses her cheek before grabbing one of the towels off counter.

“You seem eager to get away from me.”

“No, I just- no.” She laughs nervously, proceeding to turn the water off so she can wrap the towel around Eren’s body. 

“Thanks.” She leaves the shower without looking back, a sinking feeling in her chest. When she gets back into her room, she stares into her closet full of clothes yet finds nothing to wear. She’s always been overly girl and Jean teases her for it constantly despite loving it. She could watch her get ready for hours in amazement at both how long it takes her to get ready and how good she is at it. It’d be a lie to say she didn’t get annoyed with it every now and then but for the most part, she’s thrilled. However today, Eren doesn’t feel herself. Instead of putting together an elaborate outfit, she grabs one of Jean’s t-shirts from the drawer they’d designated as Jean’s. She almost grabs a skirt but instead reaches for a pair of leggings. The towel wrapped around her hair comes down and she throws her hair into a messy bun. She never leaves the house without makeup but today, she considers it. Finally giving in and sitting down at her vanity to begin the tedious process only today, she’ll be rushing through it.

It takes Jean a few minutes to actually leave the bathroom; she stares at herself in the mirror. Her brow knits in either worry or sadness. She’s so unsure of what it even is anymore. The moment she realized she was getting attached to Eren, she knew she should’ve cut this all off but now it’s definitely too late for that. She despises herself for falling in love with a “straight” girl, as Eren calls herself. The stress is so obvious at this point; there’s black circles under her eyes and she’s paler than ever. Physical Imperfections were just a small part of the downfalls of unrequited love. When she hears a knock on the bathroom door, she clears her throat and wraps the towel around her body.

“Yeah?”

“Hurry up, slow ass.” Within an instant, she’s smiling again. Pulling the door open to meet with the girl on the other side.

“Fuck you’re impatient. We both know I’ll be waiting another hour for you.”

“Actually I’m ready.”

“Really?”

It never takes Jean long to get ready, half the time she doesn’t even brush her hair. Her wardrobe is mostly just flannels or tank tops and skinny jeans; paired with the same pair of Vans. She throws a flat bill hat over her still wet hair and grabs her van keys and phone off the nightstand before turning to the brunette.

“You ready girl?” Eren nods, her feet sliding into a pair of flip flops as she tags along behind Jean.

“Ready.”

The blurred lines of whatever this relationship is start to set in as soon as they leave the apartment. They’re no longer clinging to one another or even talking for that matter; Jean has her hands shoved in her pockets and Eren taps away at her cellphone anxiously. They’re friends with a lot of the other people living in the building so it’d look bad if they were too close.

Yet even in the van, they don’t return to how they were; the blonde starts to wonder if this relationship even exists outside of bedroom doors. The silver lining comes however when Jean’s hand rests on the gear shift and Eren rests her hand on top. She doesn’t even acknowledge the light touch out of fear that it’ll end. But for some reason, it doesn’t.

Until they stop and Eren is skipping towards the small diner. Jean trails behind her slowly, as if she’s trying to convince the people around them that they don’t even know each other. It would work if it weren’t for the lost look in the blonde’s eyes while she watches the girl in front of her. 

The small diner has a comforting atmosphere and Jean allows herself to open up a bit. She scans the menu, occasionally glancing up to respond to the waitress or to shoot Eren a smile.

“You look so cute when you’re trying to play fool.” Eren tosses her straw wrapper at Jean, trying to get the ball of paper down the front of her shirt.

“Do you ever act like an adult?”

“no because I’m not one.”

“…you’re 21.”

“Shut up.” Under the table, Jean kicks at Eren’s foot until their legs are wrapped around each other. Thankfully because of the booth, it’s subtle.

“So, you ready to take some sweet pics of me this weekend?” Of course, she is. The blonde is more than prepared for the road trip they’re going on but she doesn’t want Eren to know how eager she is. Even if the brunette already seems to know.

“Yeah, I guess so.” She forces disinterest into her voice but its quickly followed by an excited giggle. Something Jean doesn’t do often and it brings a smile to Eren’s face. That is until she feels a body slide into the booth next to her. When she snaps her head to the side she notices that it’s Spencer; her heart sinks. Not that she isn’t excited to see him, because she’s always happy to see her boyfriend. But she’s heartbroken for Jean. She can feel the girl across from her shooting daggers in their direction and she feels the taller girl’s leg move back to her side of the booth.

“Am I interrupting anything? I was out and saw Jean's van so I figured you were with her.” He kisses Eren’s cheek, keeping his arm over her shoulders. The guy is skinny and tall, yet still shorter than Jean. She prides herself on that much. However when he leans over to whisper 'I missed you' into Eren's ear; she loses it. A lump rising in her throat and her lips curving into a frown. Jean slides the sunglasses from the top of her head down over her eyes and shakes her head.

“No, I was just leaving.”

“J- wait.” Eren pleads, a defeated tone to her voice but she knows it’s pointless. The taller female stands up to pay for the coffee she’d taken a few sips from before exiting the diner to go sulk. Even if she hadn’t planned on this to happen, there’s no changing the blonde’s mind now. So, Eren lets her go along with whatever feeling of happiness she’d had that morning.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	3. Earthly Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been months since I've updated this, I'm so sorry. I love my girls and want to do right by them so I'm gonna finish this one! I'm thinking 6 chapters but we'll see where it goes from here. I'm not sure whether to add smut to this, I want to but I also worry that it wouldn't go well with what people want to read! Thanks for reading :") 
> 
> As always, send requests to: normie-scum.tumblr.com

It feels a lot like defeat, Jean is sitting in her van smoking weed outside of her apartment. There’s a no smoking rule so she figures it best to not get evicted from her place, especially now that she’s trying to swear off hanging out with Eren. Each time she sees her phone light up she’s tempted to reach down and grab it but she forces herself to ignore the texts and calls. It’s just Eren trying to apologize for her dumb boyfriend showing up and the blonde isn’t in the mood to hear it. Of course, she’ll have to deal with it at work but right now she just needs to be alone.

Completely blazed out of her mind, the blonde grabs her bag and phone. When she finally checks her messages, she’s shocked to see a lot of them are from Connie and Sasha.

_‘where r u we’re eating ur food : )’_

The text is accompanied by a picture of them both digging through her fridge. She scowls, walking a lot faster knowing the pair is left unattended in her apartment. It’s not just Jean’s apartment, she lives with Marco and doesn’t want to be responsible for them eating his gluten free food. He always gets grouchy and even though he’s a bit of a pussy, she’s not up for that.

Not even bothering with the key, she grabs the handle and turns.

“You idiots could at least lock up when you’re in here. I don’t wanna get robbed.”

“Jean!!” Sasha shouts from the kitchen, running to the door like a puppy that’s excited to see its owner. As much as she wants to be mad at them, she can’t. Her lips turn into a grin and she’s thankful they’re here. As upset as she is, she really doesn’t want to be alone. Though when she sees Sasha with the can of whipped cream in her mouth she cringes.

“Do you guys eat anything normal?” Connie pokes his head out now to look at her and wave.

“Sup.” He speaks like some kind of fake gangster and Jean scoffs, reaching out to bump her fist against his. This has been their ritual for years, she and Connie have known each other since grade school, same with Sasha, so they’re pretty much inseparable.

“Oh you know, same old same. Eren fucked me over, again.”

“Shit, Jean. You need to quit trying to date straight girls.” She sighs, rolling her eyes. They always have the same response and she hates to admit it but they’re right.

“Yeah, she’s dating a guy but she definitely isn’t straight.” Scoffing, she throws herself onto the couch and reaches out to take a can of soda Connie is handing to her. They’re her main support so whenever she’s down like this they try to do anything they can to help.

“Whatever you say, dude, it isn’t healthy for you. We need to go to a bar and find you a hot lesbo hookup or something.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’d work. Maybe if I didn’t…/love/ her. God that sounds so pathetic.”

“Does it? I wouldn’t know.” Jean glances to Sasha, who’s putting whipped cream on graham crackers and eating it.

“Yeah, you definitely don’t know pathetic, huh?” There’s a lot of sarcasm to Jean’s tone and when she fidgets on the couch she can’t help but glance down at her phone. Eren hasn’t tried to contact her at all except for one text.

“The shitty part is that I don’t think she cares she’s hurting me. Even if she doesn’t love me like that…we’re still friends. And you’d think she’d care.”

“Eren doesn’t really have a track record of thinking things through, so don’t take it too personally.”

“Look at you Connie, you’re being so helpful.”

“Yeah dude, thanks. I just wish she knew how shitty it felt to always take second.”

“Well…I’m no genius but I have an idea.” Jean and Sasha both cringe, usually Connie’s ideas involve some idiotic stunt that could end in them all getting arrested.

“Nothing illegal.”

“No, it’s not! I just…what if you kiss Sasha and I snap chat it.” Jean almost immediately shoots down the idea until she thinks about it. It’s not like it’s cheating, Eren has made it abundantly clear that they’re not a couple in any form and she’s most likely macking on her boyfriend currently so what is there to lose? Until she thinks about Sasha and Connie, the pair is obviously into each other and despite Connie suggesting it, she’d hate to cause any issues.

“You really think that’s a good idea? I doubt Sasha would want anything to do with it, she’s like the straightest person I know.” Jean laughed, looking over at her friend who was smirking eagerly.

“Nah you kidding me?! She has more playboys than I do.”

“…people really still buy nudie magazines?”

“Sasha does, but anyway…I’m okay with it too. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t. Hell, I’ll even film it.” Something about the tone of his voice tells Jean that he doesn’t mind this at all. Connie has always been open minded and enthusiastic about her sexuality, even if it’s for all of the wrong reasons.

“Sasha?” She turns to face her and before she can evaluate whether this is a good idea, the girl is moving closer to her.

“Obviously I’m okay with it, girl.”

“Why the hell not then? I’ve got nothing better to do and I’m blazed enough that it doesn’t seem like a half bad decision.” Jean wraps an arm around Sasha’s shoulders and cups a hand over her cheek. “Upload it to my SnapChat,” The tall blonde points to her phone and Connie eagerly picks it up to film. By the look on his face, he’s just in this for the lesbian action. She can’t really blame him. It seems to be a guy thing and while the action itself annoys her, she gets it.

“You’re so beautiful you know that.”

“Are you trying to take me to dinner after this or something Jean because yes.” They both laugh and Jean bites her lip apprehensively.

“Nah I don’t want you to think I’m using you for this. I’ve always thought you were pretty.”

“Shut up, just kiss me.” So she does, her eyes fall shut and her lips crash onto Sasha’s impatiently. The taste of whipped cream is still on the other girl and she can’t help but hum at the sweet taste. Jean’s heart is racing and her hands are feeling over the other girl’s body as their lips smack together, the blonde can hear Connie’s laughter cut out completely and for a second she’s worried that she’s upset him but the thought is pushed away. With her eyes closed, she can pretend Sasha is Eren and that this isn’t some shady attempt to get back at her. When Jean kisses Sasha, she pretends it’s not in her dumpy apartment, it’s not her that she’s kissing. It’s /her/ somewhere warm and secluded where they can be together forever and not have to worry about her boyfriend or the real world. She touches Sasha’s cheek but pretends she’s wiping tears away from Eren’s. She can imagine it’s tears of joy and the thought makes her sick to her stomach. With each whimper and sigh that comes from them, the fantasy gets harder to keep up. The sudden reality that she’s just some bitter lesbian pining after a straight girl and desperately trying to make her jealous crashes down around the blonde and she’s paralyzed by the guilt. While tensing up, she doesn’t stop kissing. On the contrary, her advances only become more intense and one of her hands slides under the fabric of Sasha’s shirt until her nails are scratching lightly against the girl’s side.

“Jean—” It’s Connie that speaks up, he doesn’t sound mad just…dumbfounded. Jean opens her eyes and shifts them to look at the male. Her phone is back against the table so she knows he’s stopped filming but for some reason seeing the look on his face makes her not want to stop. Sasha pulls away to breathe, looking at Jean with a hopeful look in her eyes.

“Are you okay, you seemed kinda…” Off. But she doesn’t want to confront Jean with this. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, the blonde moves away and laughs.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was thinking…maybe we shouldn’t post that.”

“Too late, I already did.” Connie is sitting cross-legged and Jean doesn’t even want to imagine why. Cringing at the thought, she reaches for her phone.

“Oh well, you can’t say I didn’t try.” Laughing, she stares at the screen and waits. Half expecting Eren to see it right away since she knows how often the other girl is on her phone. “It’s too bad I don’t like guys or I would’ve let you join, Connie.” She’s kidding of course if there was anyone she felt comfortable joking around with it was these two.

“I wouldn’t, I don’t mind kissing you but he’s off limits.” Sasha’s face scrunches up and she sticks her tongue out at them. Connie looks uncomfortable, unsure of how to respond to the idea so he just opts to remain silent.

“What she said, I guess. Damn you two have all the fun!” Tossing a throw pillow at Jean, the girl catches it and tosses it back. The three banter on for a while longer as if nothing even happened before Connie suggests they leave; enough time has passed that he doesn’t think it’s suspicious but he’s been itching for alone time with Sasha since seeing her kiss another girl.

And when Jean is alone, she’s inconsolable. The thought of Eren and her boyfriend together racking her with jealousy and anger. She pulls a blanket over her and stares at her phone until the battery dies. Nothing from Eren, she didn’t know what she expected. Why’d she expect a straight girl to get jealous of what she does with someone else?

Although distraught, she doesn’t allow herself to cry. The idea of acting weak right now isn’t exactly something that brings her ease. The small blonde shuts her eyes and drifts in between being asleep and awake. It’s a stage where she wishes she wasn’t so damn lazy because she’d go back to her room and lay down in bed. It’d be so much more comfortable but it isn’t worth the effort.

An indefinite amount of time has passed and Jean hears a key in the lock. She assumes this to be Marco coming home from work. She hears footsteps trail from the door into the living room and the noise stops. She doesn’t say anything, Marco is such a dad that sometimes he’ll carry her to bed if she falls asleep on the couch. Instead of being lifted up and carried to bed, she’s met with sniffling and quiet sobs.

“Jean?” It’s Eren’s voice. At first, she’s confused until she remembers that she gave the brunette a key to her place. She sits straight up and looks at the girl expectantly. Eren’s eyes are puffy and red from crying, mascara stains her cheeks subtly.

“Dear god, are you okay?” She gets to her feet and moves to her lover’s side only to be pushed away.

“Don’t!”

“What the hell?” Jean squints, looking at her expectantly.

“Why? Were you trying to hurt me?!” Immediately regretting her choice to do exactly that, she frowns.

“Why do you even care? You’re straight.” The brunette sits on the couch and wraps her arms around her legs to pull her knees to her chest.

“It’s not about that. I just…I feel betrayed.”

“Yeah well, so do I.” She’s bitter and angry, leaning against the wall to stay as far away from Eren as possible.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“What?”

“Kissing her?” She doesn’t know the right answer to that. Well…that’s not true. The right answer is no, the right answer would be that she spent the entire kiss wishing it was Eren. But she can’t be that weak, she can’t let her guard down so much. So, she lies.

“Yes.”  

Eren looks immediately crushed, her long nails scratching over her wrist anxiously as she has a habit of doing when she’s worked up. Even in this state where Jean ‘hates’ Eren, she can’t stand to watch it. Moving closer to the girl, she reaches for her hands to hold them; keeping the brunette’s anxious behavior at bay.

“Hey, it’s okay…”

“No, it isn’t. It isn’t.” Eren is devastated, leaning forward to cry onto Jean’s shoulder quite literally. Instead of pushing her away and shouting that this is how she feels all the time, she wraps an arm around the brunette’s shoulders and pulls her into a hug. Gently lulling her as they embrace, she hums old songs under her breath to settle the girl down.

“I felt like shit for what happened at the diner, I just wanted to spend time with you. I didn’t know he was gonna show up and now you’re with other girls. It sucks so much.” Tangling a hand into her dark hair, the taller female lets out a frustrated sigh.

“I’m trying to be pissed at you, why do you have to be so fucking tragic when you’re upset?” Eren lets out a pained laugh, pulling away long enough to gaze into Jean’s eyes for a few seconds before becoming wary and uncomfortable. When she looks at her, all she can see is Sasha all over her and it’s disgusting. For the first time, Eren has a slim understanding of how Jean’s felt being on the side for so long. Months and months of guilt fall on her shoulders and there aren’t enough words to describe how sorry she is for putting her lover through that.

“Fuck off, I’m sad.”

“I hated it…I thought of you the whole time, y’know.” Eren doesn’t seem any more at ease by knowing this and Jean immediately regrets admitting it.

“Now you know how I feel.”

“Oh? You think of me when you’re with…” They don’t even say his name anymore, it’s too hard for Jean to hear it and Eren doesn’t like putting her through that. Even if they argue about pretty much everything, she loves her and doesn’t want to intentionally hurt her.

“Mm. He doesn’t make me cum like you do.” She laughs, biting her lower lip.

“Well, I knew that you wouldn’t be fucking me if he did. I just…wish it was just us, y’know.”

“I know, I think…I think I want that too.”

“You’re straight though.” She reminds her spitefully, jeering under her breath and running a hand through her messy blonde hair.   

“I know but I want to try, I love being with you. And I’ve been thinking…you’re right, it’s 2017 and this could…work. Maybe, I don’t know I’m so confused.” She laughs awkwardly, wiping away the dried makeup from her cheeks. Jean scoffs when she realizes the useless effort, licking her finger and wiping away the faint black stains on Eren’s cheeks. The brunette mutters a quiet thanks and moves back into her arms.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m gonna tell him about us.”


End file.
